Ooooooh, child, I don’t know if ya heard, but eleven members of President Obama’s Secret Service detail were busted for being “trifling, good for nothin’ type of brothers” when, allegedly, they went on a prostitute binge like they were college students who came home to their dorm room and discovered a box of Entenmann’s cookies that their roommate left on the kitchen counter. Silly college roommate, you don’t leave cookies sitting out. You hide them underneath your mattress next your DVD collection of Felicity because bitches love cookies and finding out if Felicity chooses Ben or Noel.
Anyway, last week, before President Obama’s scheduled arrival to Cartagena, Colombia on Friday, the eleven Secret Service members were fraternizing with prostitutes at Hotel Caribe until the situation turned into Operation: Hot Mess when there was a dispute between a prostitute and one of the officers over payment, so she put on her comfortable hooker heels aka New Balance sneakers and went to the police, who then notified the State department. Not only is this an embarrassing scandal for the Secret Service, but it has subsequently overshadowed Obama’s diplomatic mission to Latin America. Obviously, all the men involved were immediately fired. I sincerely hope that each member of the Secret Service detail, after getting relieved of his job, left the office like this: