Hey, America. It’s Blaria. Just thought you should know that if you apologize one more time when you don’t mean it, I will burn your car down a la Angela Bassett in Waiting to Exhale:
That’s right. I will put on my sexiest negligee, sew in a weave, throw every last pair of your Fruit of the Loom into that Nissan Altima you own and light that shit on fire. Do I have your attention now? Good. See, there you go again. Stop saying you’re sorry. Stop hiring a camera crew to record you with a somber look on your face. Stop hiring some tool to write an apology that’s the equivalent of Steve Urkel’s “Oops, did I do that?” Don’t apologize for anything ever again. Because you don’t mean it. Not only do you not mean it, but you don’t even know what the word “apologize” means. It used to mean, “a written or spoken expression of one’s regret, remorse, or sorrow for having insulted, failed, injured, or wronged another,” but now it means, “please get over what I did, so I can resume being a Summer’s Eve without you bitching about.”
