BITCH, YOU ARE TOO OLD.
And I’m not saying this as some ageist hater who thinks she’s going to be forever 27, which is a lot like Forever 21 except forever 27 means that culottes aren’t an option anymore and never should’ve been, but since you were a teenager and your Mom liked to take you shopping at Sears, you quickly realized that fashion disaster was the best worst option at that damn store and now that you’re a grown ass woman, you can say S my D, culottes, ’cause I’m showing the world my knees. Anyway, Madonna, I’m also not saying you’re too old because I’m one of those people who’s over you because Lady Gaga is in the picture. No, girl, I’ll always be a fan of you, your L’Oreal because-I’m-worth-it blond hair color in a box, and your dance pop music. The fact of the matter is this, Madge: you’re FIFTY THREE YEARS OLD. Instead of popping your titties out, you should be at GNC, popping a One-A-Day multivitamin into your mouth to stave off osteoporosis.