The V Word

Vagina, vagina, vagina, vagina, vagina! Saying it 5x won’t summon the Vadge Monster nor should saying it once get you banned. I mean, it’s 2012, right? Because I don’t understand how two female State Representatives (Lisa Brown, D-West Bloomfield, and Barb Byrum, D-Onondaga) in Michigan were banned from speaking before the House simply for having the temerity to utter the word “vagina” and talk about women’s rights in public. What’s with banning stuff? Are the members of the House of Representatives solely made up of John Lithgow’s reverend character in Footloose? Should we expect that Brown and Byrum are at a warehouse somewhere in Michigan, rage dancing in Jordache jeans? Except the movie version of this political situation would be called Loose Lips. #DoubleEntendre #YoureWelcome. Of the two State Reps., Lisa Brown has gotten more attention because of the following clip:

“I’m flattered you’re all so interested in my vagina. But no means no.” Oh. Damn. That quote is the equivalent of when some White basketball player gets dunked on by Lebron James and that clip makes the Sportscenter highlight reel. Nuts (or in this case, ovaries) in yo face, House Republicans!

Clearly, the House of Representatives were not as impressed as I was because they reacted like this: And banned her ass. As you may be aware by now, there was plenty of outrage over this ruling and not just from Brown. People are voicing their concern over the House’s reaction, as many feel this is yet another example of the war on women. After all, there was nothing lewd or inappropriate in Brown’s remark. She simply just mentioned a part of the female anatomy. Sure, her comment is a little sassy in the way that I am at Starbucks when every once in a while a barista will give me the side eye because I ask for my tea to be sweetened. It’s like, “Look sweetie, “I appreciate you caring about my potential for getting diabeetus (the Wilford Brimley pronunciation), but I like liquid fructose in my draaaaaanks, so give it to me.” Anyway, Brown shouldn’t be punished for putting some stank on her closing remarks about her vajayjay. In an article for Detroit Free Press entitled Two Female Michigan Lawmakers Silenced After Vagina, Abortion Comments, Ari Adler, spokesman for Speaker of the Jase Bolger attempted to provide an explanation:

[Adler] said it was the prerogative of Majority Floor Leader Jim Stamas, R-Midland, to maintain order and decorum during session of the House.

They “will not be recognized to speak on the House floor today after being gaveled down for their comments and actions yesterday that failed to maintain the decorum of the House of Representatives,” Adler said.

Um, yeah, I would believe that except for the fact that this happened less than a month ago and no one batted an eyelash, let alone acted as though decorum was not maintained:

In this clip, Illinois Rep. Mike Bost went ape shit when, at the 11th hour, a plan was revealed that would essentially overhaul the state’s pension fund, which is just another incident in the ongoing budget battle in the state of Illinois. He couldn’t take the foolishness anymore and let everyone know exactly where he stood and if you noticed, no one cared. In fact, the surrounding Reps. were so unfazed by this outburst that from 0:10-0:14, the Rep. sitting next to Bost simply just picks up the paper that Bost had tossed in the air and failed to punch, and started reading it like it was the directions to high school Blue Book exam. In short: NO. ONE. GAVE. A. FLYING. NOR. SEDENTARY. FUCK. Yet when it comes to Brown and the discussion of an anti-abortion bill, the mention of the word “vagina,” is deemed inappropriate and lacking the “proper level of maturity,” as Adler claims.

Why is that? Vaginas are involved when abortions take place. And we all know there is no way that if a male Rep. spoke out about this bill and uttered that word that he would have been banned. Perhaps the problem is that – oh, the horror! – by Brown stating , “my vagina,” it reminded the male members of the House that, “Oh yeah, vaginas are attached to people.”

Don’t be so shocked, male members of the House. Yes, vaginas are attached to humans. More specifically, they’re attached women, who have, historically, gotten the short shrift in a lot of ways because of men. Often, women are not see as equals, but worse than that, women can be seen merely as sexual. But worst case scenario, women aren’t even viewed as people. Just as objects and holes. After all, it’s far easier to deal with and legislate the vagina if you pretend it is this abstract object instead of recognizing that vaginas are attached to real, living, breathing, women who have opinions, rights, knowledge about how best to take care of their bodies.

And that’s the issue at hand. That’s what the war on women is about. It’s about women not having a say in what goes on with their bodies. It’s why Sandra Fluke is summed up as a “slut” for using birth control. It’s why House Oversight and Government Reform hearing about contraception coverage consisted of mainly religious men. If women are deduced to sluts and shut out of meetings, if they are marginalized and questioned at every step of the way during this war on women, then men can be in control. Men can determine what women are and aren’t allowed to do, which I guess now includes being able to call their body parts by their name.

Newsflash: vaginas aren’t scary. They aren’t inappropriate. They and the women they belong to aren’t less worthy than these GOP men and their judgmental and hypocritical peens. Vaginas deserve to be mentioned and discussed at length if said discussion is going to greatly affect them and the people they are attached to. So, speaking on behalf of all vajayjays in my best Sidney Poitier voice (skip to 0:07 of the clip below), “They call me vagina.”

Tags: Current Events, Gender Issues, Lisa Brown, Michigan, News, Politics, Republicans, Women