So I yelled out, “Actually, rape jokes are never funny!” ~ quote from an anonymous woman who heckled Daniel Tosh during his set for talking about rape jokes and then lived to blog about it.
Sorry, Jane Doe. Comedy is subjective and any joke can be funny. Note the word “can.” Any joke can be funny, but not any joke is funny. Any joke has the potential to be hilarious to you, but more importantly, the joke has the potential to not to be funny to you, but to SOMEONE ELSE. I think that people often forget that fact when watching comedy. Just because it is or isn’t amusing to you, doesn’t mean everyone feels the same way.
What lead up to the exchange between comedian Daniel Tosh and a female audience member at the Laugh Factory is another example of comedy being subjective. Of course, following the exchange, she blogged about it (a girl after my heart), and as things on the internet are wont to do, the blog post picked up steam and went viral. If you haven’t read her post, you can click here. Basically, Tosh was talking about how he thinks rape jokes are funny and Jane Doe didn’t agree with him, so she heckled him with the aforementioned quote. To which he responded with the following: “Wouldn’t it be funny if that girl got raped by like, 5 guys right now? Like right now?” Then Jane Doe and her friends left the show. Yeah, that situation turned awkward.org/donations real quick. When I heard about it, I was immediately reminded of Dave Chappelle’s bit about Michael Richards (aka Kramer) and his n-word tirade at an audience member who heckled him during a stand up show:
Except in the case of this situation, I’m maybe 3.7% female and 96.3% comedian. Because on one hand, Tosh jokingly about gang rape happening to someone is tough stuff, but on the other hand, I’m a comic and like all comics, I loathe hecklers, so when I read that an audience member interrupted his set, I immediately felt like this should’ve happened to her:
But in all seriousness, what happened between Tosh and the audience member needs to be unpacked a little bit. There are several issues here: 1) context, 2) heckling at comedy shows, 3) knowing what type of comic you’re going to see before you go see him/her, and 4) the right to attempt to be funny and unfunny.
1) Context. If this woman was at Bed, Bath and Beyond price comparing loofahs and Daniel Tosh rolled up to her and was like, “Btdubs, you should look into getting gang raped,” the way I tell people they should look into joining Groupon, then I’d get my Joey Lawrence “Whoa” on and be like, “What’s going on here, Tosh? You’re out your damn mind.” However, that is not the context of the situation that went down at the Laugh Factory. He was clearly setting up what would be his rape joke, when she felt it was necessary to be rude and heckle on behalf of all women and human beings because she doesn’t agree with him and because , as she wrote in her blog, she “felt provoked.” Um, you weren’t. The context of his initial comments were not about you, so to have this “I needed to stand up for everyone” stance is just a way to indulge in self-martyrdom. Don’t get me wrong. I understand not liking everything that comes out of a comic’s mouth. Not everything is going to be funny to everyone. I also understand feeling upset by the subject matter. You’re entitled to your feelings. However, in the context of the situation, he would have never said anything to her if she had not interrupted and heckled.
2) Heckling at comedy shows. People heckle for all kinds of reasons: they don’t think the comic is funny, they want the attention on them, they’re bored, they’re assholes, etc. However, the unwritten contract when you go to a stand up show is that you don’t heckle the comics. You can tell the manager your grievances about the comic, you can walk out of the show, you can vow not to go back to the club or support the comic in the future, buy you absolutely do not heckle the comic. Just like if I eat a restaurant and I don’t like the food, I don’t storm into the kitchen and the chef, “Who in Ratatouille hell taught you how to cook?” I simply do not go back to the restaurant. Unfortunately, I see a growing trend with comedy in that the audience feels entitled to interrupt, to let the comic know what they don’t like. Again, you don’t have to like the comic and/or the material, but you have to respect the fact that s/he is working. While you’re at a comedy club to relax, comics are there because it’s their job. And interrupting a comic during a performance is, on some level, meant to take attention away him/her and put it on you. Granted, when I’m heckled, I don’t always go for the jugular like Tosh did during this exchange. But I do understand that he, whose act is primarily built around shock and awe with a wink would make a comment like this. Which brings me to my next point…
3) Know what type of comic you’re going to see before you go see him/her. I’m only going to say this once. It is utterly asinine that people continually go to comedy shows without bothering to see if their sensibilities line up with the comedians. So:
Jane Doe, the knowledge and college is this: RESEARCH THE COMICS ON THE LINEUP BEFORE YOU ATTEND A COMEDY SHOW. Sorry to get all caps lock on ya, but clearly, common sense is not common. It’s called Google and YouTube. It literally takes a few moments to look up a comic’s video clips. Instead, her and her friends willingly went to a show, completely ignorant of who was on the lineup outside of Dane Cook. She acted as though her and her friends went to see the squeaky clean and family-friendly Ellen Degeneres live and she was just yelling, “Dicks in my butt! Dicks in my butt!” That’s not what happened and if they had bothered to spend one minute looking up Tosh, they would quickly learn that his whole thing is to be shocking, to be a provocateur, and if you are not into that sort of comedy, that is absolutely fine. I mean, you wouldn’t go to a movie, a hair salon, a concert without looking up film reviews, getting a sense of someone’s expertise with hair or listening to quite a few songs from the musician/band. However, with comedy, people approach it as this one-size-fits-all humor, which is really one-size-fits-me and they assume that every comedian is going to have the same sense of humor as them. And if they don’t, then something is amiss, right? No. Not everyone is like you, not everyone has the same life experiences, not everyone is going to joke about the same things, so quit being so self-absorbed to think that your tastes are the standard for comedy, which everyone should adhere to.
4) The right to attempt to be funny and unfunny. The late and great Patrice discussed this on Fox News years ago following outlash on outrageous Opie & Anthony’s comments. If you don’t want to watch the whole clip or don’t have time, you can skip to 3:57:
The attempt to be funny is key here in the Tosh situation. The fact is we don’t know if the rape joke he was attempting to do was going to be good or not because he was interrupted. It might have been hilarious. Or it might have been horrible. But thems the rules when you decide to do comedy/attend a comedy show. Even the best comedians aren’t always sure what is going to be funny, what is going to work. So that means they’re constantly and trying and failing in order to get to get there. And it’s almost as if people only want you to attempt to be funny if you know for 1000% that the outcome will be funny. That’s like saying, “I only want to fall in love with you if I know we’re going to be together forever.” Well, there is no way of knowing that, but you have to take the leap. And that is what comics do with every. Single. Joke. They take the leap to be funny. To entertain themselves and you. And sometimes they fly. Sometimes they fall. But you can’t indict them for trying. You can’t remove all potential, all attempts because you might be uncomfortable for a few minutes if it goes wrong. It’s not your right to do that. It’s not your right to tell comics and Comedy to not be itself for you. Because you don’t matter more than the possibility of it going right. No one does.
Btdubs, Jane Doe, there are a few funny rape jokes (if set up in the right context) out there if you’re interested. Here’s one from Louis C.K.’s Chewed Up special:
Epilogue:
Earlier this week, I hinted at the fact that I have two fun announcements to share with y’all so without further ado, here they are:
1) On July 23rd, I’m going to be on TV again. Whee! I’m going to be a talking head again on another TV Guide Network countdown show called 25 Biggest Reality Star Blunders. It airs at 9pm on July 23rd, so set your DVRs to see my face making fun of other faces who’ve been on TV.
2) And this is legit a dream come true:
That’s right, y’all!!! I’m headlining Carolines, my dream club on Sunday, August 19th at 10pm. I know that’s late in the evening, but this is a great opportunity for NYC people & #TeamBlaria to finally see me doing a longer set, which in this case, will be 45 minutes. Not to mention, this is my first time headlining a club, so this is a pretty big deal. I’m beyond excited, so it would mean a lot if I saw all of you there, rooting me on. Making reservations is preferred as opposed to just showing up, so if you’re coming to the show, please make a reservations by clicking here.
Finally, someone who shares my exact opinion on the matter. I’m both a rape survivor and a tosh fan, and this is exactly how I feel on the matter. No, rape is NEVER funny in my mind, but neither are a lot of other topics that have been joked about, and I have still found myself laughing at jokes on subject matter that I don’t find funny. Entertainment is entertainment. Another good point is this:
Would you stop watching a movie or t.v show because a rape scene came on? Would you try to sue the movie producers or leave a negative review or storm out of the theater because of that one scene? Would you start hating the actor/actress who portrayed the attacker/victim? Probably not, because you KNOW its just a movie. In this case, it’s comedy…more to the point, its TOSH comedy. I think you hit the nail on the head with your “knowing what type of comic you’re going to see before you go see them” point. It was just ignorant of her to go in with the “one size fits all” attitude. Now, had I been her…I’d have ignored the joke all together. If I felt the need to say something about it after the show, fine, I’d tweet to him or find another way to contact him, but I wouldn’t stand up and interrupt him in the middle of the show.
Thank you for commenting and providing your perspective. I really do appreciate it and I also feel like Tosh’s comedy is never set out to intentionally hurt someone. It’s to push buttons and I feel like she didn’t give him a chance before she already condemned him.
Like you, I have laughed at things I have never thought I would find funny and I’ve also laughed at someone even when I disagreed with what the comic was saying. It was a comedy show and I think this situation is getting out of hand.
Exactly. When I first started watching his show, on my boyfriend’s recommendation, I didn’t find much humor in it at all, if any. But, keeping an open mind, I sat through the entire t.v show until it was over, by which time, I had to admit there were some things I found funny…even gross things. So I tried again the next time it came on just to see if I’d like it a little more that time…and I did. Once I got a sense of his comedy style and understood it…I was able to appreciate it more, and saw the humor in it. This lady didn’t give him a chance. It’s fine if she didn’t want to give him a chance – everyone is entitled to their temperaments and opinions, but don’t heckle the guy…just leave.
He has since issued an apology…and instead of accepting it and letting it go, people are ignoring it and questioning whether he meant it or he was just doing damage control or something, and making a bigger issue of it. Has anyone ever heard of Daniel Tosh apologizing for any kind of joke before? I sure haven’t. That’s huge for him…I’m pretty sure he meant it.
Yeah, and the other thing is that people demand an apology from public figures and when they get the apology, they go, “Ok, but I mean, did you really mean it?” It’s like enough is enough. Accept it and move on with your life.
And I agree about Tosh. I’m not his biggest fan, but I seen a couple of his stand up specials and he’s got some funny jokes. Haven’t watched “Tosh.0″ yet, but I have heard great things about it. I liken him to Sarah Silverman. They say outrageous things to see if they can make them funny and to see people’s reactions. That’s just who they are as comics.
Thank you so much for writing this. When I feel like my Feminist card is being revoked for my taste in comedy (or what I tolerate for the sake of others’ tastes), I read this–and I feel much better.
Yours is the best reaction I’ve read on the subject, and by that I mean the most nuanced and complex. “Funny” is a lot more subjective than most people seem to admit, as if one’s personal determination of what is funny could be universal. Plus, comedy clubs are supposed to cross the boundaries and test the taboo. Personally, I feel that one should be careful with rape jokes because rape is still something that is not taken seriously enough in our society, but that doesn’t mean one can’t talk about it or even attempt jokes about it, without someone in the audience being a dick about it.