White. Women. Cry:
That’s right, y’all. The Olympics love when White women cry in the rain. And on a train. The Olympics love when White women cry in a house. They love when White women cry with a mouse. Sam-I-Am, the Olympics love when White women cry. Sure, the Olympics always dig a great back story or when Michael Phelps’ mom, Debbie, loses her shit after he wins a race and does a “Praise Jesus, I got the last Kirk Franklin concert tickets for me and my cousins” dance, but the Olympics’ bread and butter is having cameramen zoom in on White women as they’re crying tears of defeat. So in honor of the Olympics turning people’s most heartbreaking moments of their professional career into sad porn for us, the viewers, I’m going to rate the following five Olympic cry fests based on my favorite crying White lady, actress Naomi Watts. Please note, the following clip is NSFW:
Clearly, the fact that Naomi Watts is sad as hell while spinning on the ones and twos aka masturbating, shows that she is hands down the queen of White lady crying, so other bitches (and James Van Der Beek) need not apply. So let’s get to it, shall we?