Democratic National Convention: Day Two

What President Obama & Former President Clinton did after Clinton’s rousing speech last night:

Republicans’ reaction after watching Former President Clinton’s Speech:

Simply put, Clinton shut. It. Down. He did exactly what the RNC did not want him to do: he provided details whereas Romney’s speech was full of platitudes and vague generalities, he was engaging and charming for a whopping forty-eight minutes, in which several chunks of the speech was improvised, he fired up the democratic audience, and perhaps worst of all, got some independents and unaffiliates to really consider leaning towards voting to reelect Obama. Whether you love or hate Clinton, there is no denying that when he delivers, he delivers BIG and in this case, he has set President Obama up to deliver the knock out punch, in terms of a well-done convention, tonight. We’re hours away from that moment, so in the meantime, let’s check out a Blaria-fied recap of Day Two of the DNC.

#1) Emanuel Cleaver, chairman of the Congressional Black Caucus, taking e’erybody to church and then out to get some chitlins and collard greens during his speech:

Cleaver was animated and passionate while he spoke for eleven minutes. Yet, he reached fever pitch when at 7:05, he proclaimed, “It is our hope that instructs us … to move our feet … to march on.” And then marched in place, in case you didn’t get what he was saying:  like this is an episode of the children’s show Lamb Chops’s Play-Along:

Go ‘head, Cleaver. I ain’t mad at ya for being so moved that you feel the need to act out the marching motion like you’re singing The Song That Never Ends from Lamb Chop’s Play-Along:

#2) Why in the Sam hell is CNN’s chron (the text at the bottom of the screen) taking up so much damn space on my TV:

My TV screen is 42″ (#MeanToBrag) and about 13.7 of those inches are obscured by CNN’s jumbo ass Arial font text. Hillary Clinton deserves more than looking like a disembodied head. She’s the Secretary of State, but I can’t even focus on that because all I’m thinking about is how the “Exclusive” tab is about to straight razor shave her jaw. But wait! CNN cut to a wide shot:

She’s working a hella cute outfit! So, the fact that CNN has to zoom out so far that I get a glimpse of the dusty ass blinds on the window in the background just to see that Hillary is wearing ruffles like she’s on her way to her first quinceañera is pretty ridic.

#3) There’s always gotta be one bitch like this…

The dude driving this Jeep Cherokee is like, “Yo, can I make the right turn or not,” while this cop is directing traffic and moving like he’s doing Tai Chi in Central Park with a bunch of ancient Chinese peeps (and a few White people trying to get some culture). Just relax, buddy. You’re thirty-seven and blow a whistle for a living. Take it down a notch.

#4) Activists trying to upstage anti-gay protesters near the DNC:

This picture is prime evidence that the average person does not give one fuck about protests. What we have here are anti-gay protestors and then activists protesting that protest by reenacting the Sarah Michelle Gellar/Selma Blair scene from Cruel Intentions. And the Black dude is straight up ignoring all of this to check his Yelp app on his smartphone to see if he got any likes on his seven paragraph review about the local Mexican restaurant.

#5) Sandra Fluke speaking:

Look, I like Sandra as a person. I think she absolutely means well as a women’s activist and when Rush Limbaugh called her a slut, that was trifling. However, that shit happened on February 29th aka seven months ago. And she’s here at the DNC, getting prime stage time? Sorry, but I’m overit.org/donations because she is milking this incident. EVERY SINGLE WOMAN HAS BEEN CALLED A SLUT BEFORE. It does not mean you deserve to speak at the DNC. All that should happen when you get called a slut is you turn around to the trick behind you who said that crap and you go:

Turn back around, pay for your items, and then leave CVS.

#6) White guy vacuuming before last night’s festivities began:

People say that Barack Obama being President means we’re moving towards a post-racial society. No. An old White dude with a baccalaureate degree in business being told to tidy up with a busted ass 1970′s vacuum cleaner means we’re moving towards a post-racial society.

#7) Bill Clinton delivering one of the best speeches of his life:

Did I mention earlier how this speech was forty-eight minutes long with quite a few portions of it improvised? Okay, just wanted to make sure you understood that. Right now, there is no one who is a better speaker than Clinton. It was like watching Jordan drop forty points in a game. He killed that shit last night. There’s no denying it. There’s also no denying that Clinton made Obama proud:

And Hillary proud:

Go ‘head, girl. Be proud of your man and rock a scrunchie that you had your personal aide pick up for you at the local CVS. #callback

Okay, #TeamBlaria, today is the final day of the Democratic National Convention, so watch with me and then check out my recap tomorrow! xoxo

Tags: Bill Clinton, CNN, Democratic National Convention, DNC, Emanuel Cleaver, Hillary Clinton, Sandra Fluke