When people have the worst week ever, they cash in all their fucks to give like I cash in Duane Reade points to get 50% off my Colgate toothpaste, yell “YOLO,” and set fire to their lives. And when you try and come over to help them out with a fire extinguisher, they kick you in the shin and go:
turn on some Phil Collins and resume watching the fire burn. In the case of Mitt Romney, setting fire to his life included showing up to his Univision interview in burnt sienna face to appeal to Latino voters:
Which was met with a collective:
So let’s take a look back at Romney’s week and see how he got to this skintone disaster.
Romney metaphorically put his foot between two slices of toasted rye bread before inserting it into his mouth during a private fundraiser in which he was unknowingly being taped. And of course, the secret tape made its to the Internets. His most cringeworthy comments was him saying that 47% of this country is nothing but lazy ass hoes whose chunky butts leave imprints in their La-Z-boy sofas and mouths leave burp bubbles in the air. Okay, he didn’t really say that, but that’s basically what he meant when he said those 47% are voting for Obama because they are dependent on the government and it’s not his job to care about those 47%.
The 47% reaction:
The 53% and Romney voters’ reaction:
Several member of the GOP and Wall Street Journal writer, Peggy Noonan, asked for Jesus to take the wheel and get this campaign back on course especially after attention shifted to another part of the leaked tape in which Romney saying he’d have a better show at winning the election if he was Mexican. UMMMMMM, totally because they’re been like seventeen Latino presidents. Oh, wait there’s been zero. And Jesus, when he heard the request to take the wheel, was like:
and peaced the hell out.
Behind closed doors, I’m sure the GOP freaked out at Romney like when substitute teacher is trying to get the DVD player to work and all the students are bitching about how long it’s taking:
But Romney said, “S my D” to the GOP and decided to take his campaign into his own hands by putting some maybe it’s Maybelline sand negro #9 foundation on his face during his interview with Univision:
E’erybody was like, “No this gringo didn’t!!!:
But the GOP was like:
While President Obama’s team was like, “I’m so happy…
And, finally, Ann Romney’s borderline drunk ass tried to cheer up Mitt:
To which Mitt told her to shut the hell up.
Romney’s probably distraught at the unraveling of his presidential campaign and doing this:
but instead of alcohol, he’s chugging on a bottle of Just for Men hair color from his medicine cabinet.
That, ladies and gentlemen, is a worst week ever told in GIFs. THE END.
Have a great weekend, #TeamBlaria. Next week, I will be in LA, but I will still try and put up my blog posts according to EST and not PST, but if I am a little tardy, don’t hold it against. Thanks! Love you. Mean it.