“… the institution of slavery that the black race has long believed to be an abomination upon its people may actually have been a blessing in disguise. The blacks who could endure those conditions and circumstances would someday be rewarded with citizenship in the greatest nation ever established upon the face of the Earth.” – excerpt from Rep. Jon Michael Hubbard’s book Letters to the Editor: Confessions of a Frustrated Conservative
Cue the reaction of e’erybody who’s not a racist moron:
Between Rep. Todd Akin’s ass backwards thoughts on rape, Chick-fil-a’s Dan Cathy telling gay people that their love makes him yack up his digested chicken fingers and the NFL replacement refs screwing up so many damn calls this football season, this has not been White people’s year. It’s like e’erytime y’all try and get your shit together in 2012, this happens:
Which sucks because there are plenty of non-ignorant White peeps doing non-ignorant things, but no one really cares because that doesn’t get ratings nor bring readers to websites. So non-ig White folk have to sit back and watch these dumb asses steal the spotlight, but at least the non-igs now understand how I feel every time some buffoon on TV, who has the same complexion as me, acts a fool and people look at me like that’s my cousin. It stinks and I end up acting the same as when I’m trying to get a waiter’s attention at a restaurant in order to get a refill on water, but s/he doesn’t see me, so then I have to chill with my saliva:
aka I’m trying to tell e’erybody the dumb ass on TV isn’t me, but no one is listening. And thanks to to Jon Michael Hubbard, the same goes for White people as over the next two weeks, the have to convince every Black person they meet that they don’t have a Pros/Cons list about slavery in an old composition notebook in their parents attic. Hubbard, a politician, officially announced that he has turds for brains via his self-published book (sur-fucking-prise of the century that no publishing company wanted to touch this book!) in which we find the aforementioned quote. Slavery is “a blessing in disguise?” Thanks so much, Hubbard, for basically saying, “Look, slavery was totes awks for you guys, but without it, you wouldn’t be able to cash in the points on your Walgreens membership card to get a free Snickers.” WOW! WHAT A RELIEF TO KNOW THAT CHOCOLATEY NOUGAT DEFINITELY MAKES UP FOR THE RAPING OF MY ANCESTORS. IT MUST BE MY BIRTHDAY!!
Well, Hubbard, it’s not my birthday and for several reasons, this is probably one of the most idiotic thing someone could say about a horrible tragedy like slavery.
#1) Slavery was the pits. There was rape, murder, physical, emotional, and mental abuse; general stripping of the rights that human beings deserve, institutionalized racism that exists until this day, etc. There’s no making up for that. There’s no “bright side.” There’s no explanation that will make the past less ugly and painful. The fact that I can snark it up in a blog doesn’t balance out the unimaginable horror that African-Americans had to endure every day of their lives. That’s like saying, “Sure, the Holocaust was a bummer, but like, Jerry Seinfeld created the best sitcom of all time. OF ALL TIME.” Welcome to missingthepoint.com. Can you please die in a fire?
#2) Hubbard acts as though after slavery was abolished, Black people just packed up their shit, stole a stapler or two as a “fuck you,” and bounced like they left a shitty job. Believe me, if slavery was like quitting your job at Quizno’s, I’d be the first person telling e’ery Black person to shut the fuck up because you just peaced out with a full bag of banana peppers and your dignity. Buuuuuuuuuuut that’s not what happened. Hello, the whole Civil Rights Movement of the 1960s! That didn’t happen because Black people were bored and needed something to complain about. It went down because they wanted to be able to eat a grilled cheese sandwich next to their White brethren without getting a beat down. It’s been a struggle to advance in society, so to call the trials and tribulations for Black people in America post slavery a “reward” is absurd and beyond insensitive. But clearly I don’t know anything because Hubbard follows up his thoughts with another choice comment:
“Knowing what we know today about life on the African continent, would an existence spent in slavery have been any crueler than a life spent in sub-Saharan Africa?”
Is Hubbard implying what I think he’s implying? Is he basically saying, “Look, being born in Africa is like a Macbook coming pre-installed with iMovie. In short, you’ve got AIDS, so really, was being a slave that bad? ” Why the hell are being a slave and having AIDS are the only options here? This is the worst game of Let’s Make A Deal ever. Please don’t tell me what’s behind door number three if AIDS and slavery are the first two “prizes.” I mean, this absolutely ridiculous. This guy is clearly one crazy, insane dude who spent too much time click clacking away on the typewriter in your basement instead of reading books and educating himself about the world.
Because he’s a dingbat, I’m not taking anything that’s in his book seriously. However, it is scary that this man is an elected official. The fact that someone who believes that White people aren’t doing well in school because schools are desegregated, so now White students act like Black students aka shiftless and lazy and that American Christians are similar to Nazis is a political representative for people. And crazy like this is rarely alone. There have to be people out there who cosign with him. That will meet him in a back alley and buy this book from the trunk of his car. I can’t stop that, but what I can do is ask, on the behalf of White people, Hubbard, I’m asking you to stop embarrassing them or at least create a White version of WorldStarHipHop.com where White people can dump all their people into an internet vortex of ignorance.
P.S.: For Blaria reader, Patrick Shaw, I hope this GIF-heavy post makes up for last Friday’s GIF-less post about Ann Coulter’s dumb ass. Are we friends again?