#TeamBlaria, I’m back with another edition of Blaria Watches… and boy was last night’s episode of Scandie a doozy. Before we jump into that, I just want to say what the hell to Shonda for taking two weeks off! We’re not going to get another epi until January 31st?!?! Such a bummer. Also, I know I said last week’s was episode 11, but that was an accident. That was epi 10. Last night was 11. Now that’s out of the way, let’s get to the recap! Hella amounts of shit went down. So peep the video after the jump!
#TeamBlaria, welcome to the very first vlog that I’ve done in my entire life! I’m very excited to be starting this branch of the Blaria brand because y’all can finally see and hear my voice. Whee! As many of you know, I’m a huge, huge fan of the ABC drama Scandal; I talked about the first season hurr, so I decided to take things a step further by beginning a series within the vlog that I like to call Blaria Watches… and every Friday morning, I will recap the previous night’s episode of Scandie (as my bf likes to call the show) for the rest of the season. So peep the video after the jump. Hope y’all enjoy!
#TeamBlaria, when some people we know accidentally get knocked up, we might respond the way I do when I return from the concession stand at the movie theater and I can’t remember where my seat is, so I call my friend as the house lights go down:
I’m scurred for a few moments, but I know that e’erything will be okay for my friend and I. However, when someone like rapper Carlos “Shawty Lo” Walker has eleven chillrens with TEN women, I’m not scurred; instead I’m just matter of fact like:
#RealTalk, Shawty Lo needs to tape his peen up like it’s a middle school Geology book and his teacher just told him he’s gonna get an A for expertly putting a paper bag cover on it. Get that A!! But in all seriousness, him having that many chillrens by that many women is utterly ridiculous and his deciding to turn this absurd and sad situation into a TV show for the Oxygen network instead of, I don’t know, bidding adieu to the poon:
aka pulling out is a damn travesty for everyone: him, the women he’s impregnated, the children, television, my brain cells.
Y’all, after a two week hiatus, the Blaria Podcast is back. Whoo-hoo! I hope everyone is okay following Hurricane Sandy! And if you’re anything like me, you prepared for the hurricane by doing the following:
Seriously, only during a hurricane do I constantly think about food and want to eat all my provisions in the first couple of days. But all kidding aside, I hope #TeamBlaria has survived the worst and if you are in a good position like myself (no power loss, plenty of heat and water), please donate to Red Cross. People will need your help. Now onto the matter at hand…
Holla, #TeamBlaria! I’m baaaaaaack! Hope y’all had a great weekend and watched tons of the Olympic coverage. I LOVE the Olympics. More than love, I lurve the Olympics. I conveniently get emotionally invested in every sport that I haven’t cared about during the last four years leading up the Olympics because someone from America is competing. Well, not every sport. This shit is ignorant:
Race walking. Really? 1) If the average person can’t tell the difference between an athlete in the middle of a competition or a hungry mofo moving throughout a grocery store, then it’s shouldn’t be an Olympic sport. Both the dudes in this clip look like they are racing to the seafood department of Costco’s to get the last smoked salmon crostini sample. 2) If your athletic competition does not come on TV until 3am because no one gives a fuck to televise/watch it during normal hours of the day, it is not an Olympic sport. You know what else comes on at 3am? My dreams. While I’m sleeping. Get the hell outta here, race walking.
It has been quite a week, y’all: Daniel Tosh’s rape joke controversy, Target refusing to sell Frank Ocean’s CD after he came out of the closet, and
an old gypsy woman Steven Tyler quitting American Idol to return to his band, full-time, Aerosmith. Whew, that’s a lot of pop cultch (aka culture) and I only scratched the surface. So without further ado, here are the top three stories that are getting the Blaria SparkNotes (don’t act like I was the only one who used this to get though high school) treatment:
1) Mitt Romney got booed the hell out when he gave a speech earlier this week at NAACP’s National Convention. Now, when I first heard this I was like:
“When a black woman tells you to get a job, it’s just more [laughs]…it just hurts more.” ~ Louis C.K. on “Jimmy Kimmel Live,” discussing and joking about why he cast a Black woman to play his ex-wife even though his kids are “exceptionally white” on the show.
Over the past week, Louis C.K. has been promoting his five month tour, which begins on Oct. 3rd and the third season of his TV show Louie, which premieres tonight. He stopped by Jimmy Kimmel Live on Tuesday and of the nearly fourteen minute interview, a tiny ten second blurb about the racial casting of his ex-wife on Louie has, unsurprisingly, gotten the most attention and unnecessary outrage on the internet, ranging from the cool, steely anger of the cartoon villain singer Cee-Lo wants to be:
To acting like the stereotype of an angry Black woman in fear that Louis is merely just going to perpetuate the stereotype of angry black woman:
Neither reaction to the casting of Louis’ ex-wife is correct or necessary. But much like when a baby scans a room with his/her eyes in that I-think-I should-be-crying-about-something-right-now, the average person’s default action is being offended. “I think that pissed me off” is the new “I think I might want Chinese food later.” Said with little thought and possibly with a shrug that connotes “What do you guys think? Chinese sounds good, right? Please reaffirm me.” There’s no analysis, no reasoning, no understanding of the context that frames the supposed offensive action, just an automatic queef of rage at whatever is seen or heard much like the way in a mall, the cologne salespeople just spritzes whomever is walking past. So, people, I beg you: quit queefing rage because it stinks, it gets in my mouth, and it’s clearly a knockoff of legitimate rage.