Pills, Pills, Pills

Maybe if birth control was as cheap as a pack of gum the gov’t wouldn’t give an eff?

Republican State Representative of Arizona Debbie Lesko proposed a new law which would give employers the power to demand proof that women are on birth control for non-sexual purposes. Ms. Lesko, please heed the advice every Black mom gives her children when she takes them to the hair salon: “Sit your Black ass down and act like you got some sense.” True, Lesko isn’t Black, but the sentiment still applies.

Lesko and this contraception bill is one big all-you-can-eat $5 buffet of “Of Course:” Of Course, yet another Republican is carrying on this war against women; Of Course, Lesko wears what appears to be a turtleneck dickie in the homepage picture on her website. (Bottom line, if can’t properly accessorize your neck, then you can’t tell me what to do with my ovaries.); and Of Course, Lesko is nonsensical in her explanation of the bill’s necessity: we need it because “we live in America and not in the Soviet Union.” What does that mean?! To find out, I hit up the Soviet Union on Gchat to get a response and they wrote: “My name is Bess and I ain’t in this mess.”

My ovaries and I vote “no” on this turtleneck dickie and the busted ass Daryl Hannah hair do.

But in all seriousness, let’s for the sake of argument, leave the Soviet Union and their non-invasion of privacy ways out of this. The bigger issue is why does Lesko want all Arizonian women to behave like Nicole Kidman in Cold Mountain? Just holding aspirin between their knees while sitting on a porch, knitting a doily, and waiting for their men to come home. And if women choose not to do this, according to Lesko, that’s grounds for getting fired. This isn’t about freedom like she claims, but rather it’s about her and several of her GOP constituents’ thinly disguising their religious-based moral beliefs about women’s bodies as laws that are supposedly in the best interest of America.

This witch hunt on women’s bodies must stop. Or at the very least, don’t smear America’s name while in the process of trying to legislate away rights. Contraception is good. Furthermore, the choice to use contraception as one sees fit is also good. Don’t believe me? Well, let me offer this example: every time I take a birth control pill, my boyfriend does the Maury Povich “you are not the father” dance. What’s more American than the “you are not the father” Maury dance? Ms. Lesko, on behalf of America and my boyfriend, Jon, please stop this crusade.

Author: Blaria

According to Serial Optimist, NYC-based stand up-comedian and writer Phoebe Robinson “is brilliant and able to critique some really complex concepts in a sentence or two. Bask in it, people.” Which is precisely what The Huffington Post is trying to get people to do when it listed her as one of “18 Funny Women You Should Be Following On Twitter,” but with the way things are going, it seems the place to follow her is on TV. Phoebe is a writer for MTV’s Girl Code and most recently co-hosted an episode of the new series Raising McCain, wrote on the VH1 pilot Chateau Buteau, appeared on FX’s Totally Biased with W. Kamau Bell and Comedy Central’s Broad City, was a panelist on VH1’s Big Morning Buzz, and has been featured on several talking head shows for Pivot TV, VH-1, and the TV Guide Channel such as 100 Shows to See Before You Die, 25 Biggest Reality Star Blunders, and 40 Greatest Hip Hop Songs. When not on television, Phoebe’s a writer for Glamour.com and contributes to The New York Times. Her blog Blaria (aka Black Daria) was picked up by The Huffington Post and has been featured on their website. She has also been published in Time Out NY, The NY Post, and The Smoking Jacket. Phoebe has also made her mark in the world of stand up. She was a finalist in NBC’s Stand Up for Diversity competition and was a part of their 2011-2012 USA college tour. Since the tour, she has performed in the Bridgetown Comedy Festival, the Eugene Mirman Festival, the New York Underground Comedy Festival, the All Jane No Dick Festival, SF Sketchfest, the Women in Comedy Festival, the Brooklyn Comedy Festival, and the New York Comedy Festival. Phoebe has also branched out into radio as she has been on Sirius XM’s Raw Dog Comedy, Canada’s CBC Radio, and bitch magazine’s podcast.

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